| | I wish I can go back in time so that I can hold my tongue. I am suffering now because of it. It seems as if it can even be mended. I'm going to let it go on for a bit but I have to solve before I go back on campus because this is really killing me. The silence, the looks, I don't know what to say to make it right. Maybe the things we said can't be retracted. I mean the things I heard are still ringing in my ears. I couldn't even get out of my bed today because I was so depressed. I didn't know what to do. The next thing I knew it was time for bed. Times like this makes me think I should just.. disappear? I don't know. I can't seem to do anything right. I'm just pretty much taking up space and resources.
We all have times like this.. where we feel shitty. We all have times when we think about suicide but it passes and everything is okay. Then it just becomes a cycle.
--edit--
In the heat of the moment, we were definitely shouting at each other..shouting.. screaming...and I don't think we will ever be the same again. It scares the shit out of me. I've cried a lot since it happened. I've regretted. I don't know what to do. I want to say sorry but I am wondering if it will help at all. I need to change--for my sanity. Why does it hurt so much? Hearing what I heard. What was I thinking when I said those things. I guess things that were bottling inside had to come out. Wow. Bad timing. Why did I say that? Why didn't know when to stop? There was a line but I didn't even see it. I wish I can just say that I am sorry and everything will be okay. But I have a feeling it won't.
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| | Posted 1/4/2009 8:30 PM - 6 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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